it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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