i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
