u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
