i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
