Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
