she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
