Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
