it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
