You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
