I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
