All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
