Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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