So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
