you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
