I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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