i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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