he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
