Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
