I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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