She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
