The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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