My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
