I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
