Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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