He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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