Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
There are leaves in my underwear?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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