What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
