the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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