she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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