Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
