Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
