i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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