What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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