would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
