duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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