Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
where does the pee come out of this thing
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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