And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
