Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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