Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
