If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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