can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
