so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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