dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
foreskin is a definite game changer
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
