i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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