im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
