so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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