i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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