smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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