Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
