I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
When did we convert life to cartoon?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
