We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
