she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
