matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
