Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
