I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
