you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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