dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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