it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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