All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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