High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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